Tags
Break ups, depression, dumped, getting over a guy, hope, Life, loss, love, moving on from a relationship, soulmates
What do you do when you fall in love with someone so deeply you know in your heart you will never get over this person? You’ve read countless articles, blogs, How to’s but nothing seems to work. In your heart, you’ve found your match. No one will ever make you feel like this again, And you don’t want anyone else. So, now what? Are you destined to roam this earth alone? Should you go convince your ex that they are making a huge mistake and you must be together? What do you do when you have to get over someone you know you will love forever?
First of all, accept the fact you will love them forever, and learn to be okay with that. So many people waste so much energy trying to hate someone who no longer love them back, only to come to an exhausting realization they still love them. Why waste the energy? Yes, maybe they were a jerk, and totally do not deserve your love, but truth is, they have it anyway.
Secondly, believe you can be happy and miserable at the same time. Confused? One of the most fascinating things I discovered from my heartbreak is the complexity of human emotion. I always assumed if the love of my life dumped me I would spend every second of my day miserable. I linked my happiness to him, and without him, I assumed it would equal eternal misery. Which it was, until little by little I noticed there are things that made me happy. Life does go on. A small smile here, a little laugh there, and before I knew it, I was actually happy for a brief moment. This all happened at the same time I was grieving the loss of my “soul mate”. There is always an emptiness in my chest, and a pain I cannot explain, and yet there is also other things in the world that can make me smile. Even if it feels like you will never be happy without this person, I promise you, it is possible. I feel happiness when I play piano. I smile when my brothers baby laughs. I look at the stars at night, and think, how beautiful. There are still so many gifts in the world Waiting for you. Loving someone and happiness are two separate things. Happiness is often mistaken as something someone brings you, but it is actually something within you.
Thirdly, the heart is capable of so much love. Although your previous love can never be duplicated, you can find a different love that you never even knew. The heart is not predictable. Remember back to who you were before you met and fell in love with your ex? Could you have ever imagined the feelings you would feel? Everything about love strikes you like lightning. Realize the thoughts sent from your brain are not always correct. Sometimes you just have to believe in the unknown.
princessdeficit 
I am so sad, my husband’s infidelity has cost us dearly
We have been married 38 years, I love him so much, but I had to love me more. I am so hurt and confused don’t know what I could have done to save my marriage. I feel that my husband fell out of love with me and that hurts so bad. I don’t know how or how long it will take to get over him. What can I do my heart is broken.
Dear Sharon,
Im sorry to hear your heart is broken. Believe me, I have been there, and standing here 3 years later, I can promise you, things do get better. I know where you stand right now, it is hard to see or believe.
Some advice i can offer is, be careful not to “torture” yourself. Often times I found myself making things much harder for myself by blaming myself, or “trying” to hate someone I knew i would always love. Just embrace the fact that you loved him and still love him. Don’t let hate replace love. Be careful of torturing yourself with thoughts of waste or regret. The pain of sadness is proof of a life well lived.Believe it or not, your beautiful heart will find new life.The hardest part is letting go, and accepting the unknown.
Everyone heals differently butfor me, i took it day by day. Believe in the heart you have nd the love you hold. Somethhing wonderful is waiting for u. take care
Heart broken for 4 years – still believe in myself and my ability to help others – I’m a GP and proud of it, Still sing, dance, paint, socialise and see old friends in my free time but absolutely NOTHING takes away the pain of loosing my soul mate. Believing in myself, my ability and my dear friends hasn’t soothed the pain of loosing the only man I will ever love.
I understand everything I read in this article and in every article. But I getting a little tired of being patient :(. I’ve dated two men in my life, but I’ve been in love with a guy who I’ve never even dated. And I can’t get over it. It’s seriously killing me inside. I’m ok for a few weeks even months at a time but then I somehow find myself thinking of him again. This is how I know I’ve been in love with him for the past 7 years!!!! When we met, he became one of my best friends along with another girl who I consider my #1 bestie. I had a baby with someone my first bf but we had been on and off. So it really all started as a friendship. My baby’s father had moved to a different country and me and my two best friends would hang out every single day during senior year of HS. My and the love of my life had disclosed to eachother that we liked eachother more than friends. Him and I were both in tough situations. He was planing on joining the military and he even asked me to marry him. Of course i turned him down. Well summer came and I took my son to see his dad, came back pregnant. UGHHHHH. My love and lost contact for about a year. When he reached out, I found out he had gotten married and joined the military. Lost touch again for 2 years. I was with my second bf and my love reached out to me, told me how his wife had cheated on him while deployed, I tried to play off my feelings and told him we should get the crew back together and he could meet my bf. But he refused. He told him he still had feelings for me and that he loved me. Well we kept in touch for a few months until my bf at the time found out that we had some what of a history. Lost touch with him again for another year. I had moved on from the bf I had and my love was still talking about leaving his wife except they were expecting a baby. Wooowww. She had cheated on him a few other times. He talked a lot to me about how he was going to divorce her and start a new life and he wanted to be with me… And now a couple of years later we’ve kept in touch except he’s never made a move to start the divorce and I told him I couldn’t be a side chick that he can play with. A few months went by, now I’ve come to find out that they are expecting a second child… In my mind I’ve always told myself to never allow less then I deserve. And while I am so angry at him because the least he could have done is be my friend and not string me along, and I know loving him or wanting to be with him is so wrong but I can’t seem to get over it. I block him and unblock him. I search for him but then forget him for a few weeks. I’m so used to him and I loosing touch and then getting back in touch I want him to reach out but I really don’t want him to. 😦 it makes me sad
I won’t go into my story because it’s not something I like telling. But I have to say the blog and all the comments have helped me. It seems that all my friends and family just want you to get over it and move on. There are so many articles on how to get over someone or move on. I know that as time passes that you do heal and can move on but I believe only to a point. I knew before I even started dating anyone that if I fell in love that I would love that person forever I guess I’m just that kind of a person. I didn’t expect to fall in love with the man I did but it happened and I have struggled for several months since our breakup. It has gotten better and like the article said I find happiness and can enjoy life. I have accepted the fact that he will always have a place in my heart and soul and I will never stop loving him. I guess the point is I’m trying to make is that it was comforting to know that I am not alone in my feelings and am thankful for the strength and comfort you all have provided. To any that are struggling keep moving forward, take one day at a time and find joy and comfort in little things and know that we know what it’s like.
Just want to say that I am grateful for this post as well as all the comments. It’s been almost a year since the love of my life and I ended things. For good reasons but it still shattered my heart. I always knew that when I fell in love with someone that I will love them forever so it’s no surprise to me that this has happened. I will love him forever and its nice to know that it’s okay. I think we all seek to find people who are in similar situations and find peace and comfort in it. It seems that all my friends and family say the same things: you’ll get over him, he’s not worth it, you’ll find someone else someone better, time will heal and you’ll be able to move on. And I hope that some of that is true that I do move and and maybe I will find someone else but no one seems to understand that I fell for him head over heels in love and I doubt I will ever get that feeling with someone else. But I’m not as sad about that as I was because its okay to love someone forever as long as it doesn’t hold me back from being the person I can become or want to be and hold me back from opening myself up to love again. Like all of you I have good days and bad days but not a day goes by that I don’t think about him and I know that I will never truly stop loving him. Anyway I just wanted to say thanks. My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to all of you and anyone else who is hurting the way we are. Thanks again!
I would just like to say thank you for this post and everyone who has commented. I thought I was crazy for feeling this way at least the internet and all my friends and family make me feel that way. They always say time will heal and you’ll get over him and find someone better and all those cliches that people say when you break up with someone. However, I know I will never forget him or stop loving him. I hope that people are right and that I will find someone else but even if I do I just don’t know how I will ever love him the way I loved this man. He was the love of my life and its been a year and it’s the same feelings, they haven’t gone away. I’m doing better than I was a year ago. I have my good days and bad days just like all of you. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m appreciative that there are people out there who know how I feel. It brings me comfort. So thank you for your posts. I wish the best for all of you and hope that all of you find comfort.
Well Princess..just an update from me. As you know i had entered a relationship not long after splitting from ‘the love of my life’ (back in 2012) we discussed the pitfalls of this earlier. i then took off to Australia. I ended the new relationship early last year and decided I would go on my own and not get involved whatsoever with anyone. Would you believe I am now getting married this year. i met someone who almost from the day I met her, knew I would marry her. Even the ‘love of my life’ never got that sort of committment from me. So for the first time in 4 years I have a future with a person that wants me in their life, loves me for who I am and reciprocates the love I give. I wish everyone good luck in their lives.
Dear John!
Congratulations! What a wonderful story! thank you for sharing it here. It is unbelievable how life can seem so dark at one point but if you just get through it, such treasures are waiting! best wishes for you and your wife, and may you have a long and prosperous life together!!!
I loved a man so deeply gave my heart and soul for 5 years I think he loved me but he never kept his promises, took money and never made me feel special. He was living w his ex wife and ex girlfried whom he said he was not sleeping w them. Hope it won’t take long to get over him. I am deeply saddened but know I deserve better.
These stories help me manage myself in a dire time. Seeing the progress of John especially gives me hope. I’m a bit on the younger end, 23 going on 24 in May, but just recently splitting up with my girlfriend of a year and change really hit me hard. My other half is gone and my mother and sister are moving to Puerto Rico before my birthday as well. It’s been so difficult early on and I’m forcing myself not to think of her right now or else my depression will worsen. I wish she didn’t leave me, but it was her choice she made for me, so I made the choice to cut her off completely, a girl I never thought would leave my life.
It’s funny how you think you can be friends after too. It hardly works that way…tragic.
What about the girl that was always the one, I grew up with a girl around the corner primary school to high school. I never asked her out because I was just so shy, it was years later I found she always wanted me to ask her out. When leaving school I headed off to another city to get ahead,I returned years later. It was still like all those years of school, my heart stopped and felt sick. I can remember seeing at her work place and having this one moment in time to be able to talk to her but I froze up and bolted for the door. I herd a couple years she was getting married and has since had kids.I my self are married with kids but I know in my heart that even tho I love my wife I am not inlove with her. I often think of regret for this one girl who I only briefly no growing up still makes my heart just sink.
I knew I found the love of my life when I was 17. She was 19 and one thing led to another and she became pregnant. I let her family “bully” me into staying away. They told me they were going to ship her off to Porto Rico to live with her sister. I got back together with an ex-girlfriend, married had kids, divorced.
I looked for her 10 years later to no avail.
Then lightning struck twice and I found another who I love just as much as the first. This time I wasn’t going to make the same mistake again and I married her. 4 years latter we had a son and now we just past our 20th year anniversary together.
Just recently the child from the first woman found me. He is now 33 years old and I found out that she never went to Porto Rico and she was forced to give him up for adoption. I also found out that she committed suicide 7 years ago and lived a very controlled life by her family. Since I found out just the other day, it feels like it just happened to me. He never got to meet her and I never saw her again but I just found all this out the day he found me and I feel like a part of me died too. I can’t help feeling like I betrayed her and I could’ve done more. I feel like I’m cheating on my wife because I have these deep feelings for the first woman that I loved so much. She changed my life for the better and she was my first love. I never stopped loving her and I don’t think I ever will. My wife now is so very understanding, she tells me that if I didn’t feel this way she would be worried because this woman meant so much to me and she was the mother of my first born child. But I can’t help that I miss woman so much and the pain I feel because she is gone.
Is that wrong? Why is it so hard to move on? I know it’s only been a few days since I found out, but she is in my every thought, I weep at night and I find myself looking at her pictures and remembering how it was and how I loved her when we were together and I weep over her loss.
I met my ex girlfriend in 2012. She had a 3 month old boy and we hit it off pretty quickly. Within that same year, we had moved in together and were contemplating marriage. We faced challenges of course, and i had my issues too. We ended up moving into my mothers other house and things were ok for a time. The problem with moving into that house was the sense of entitlement we faced from my other siblings. But that was not the main issue, She had major trust issues and eventually so did i. Cut a long story short, in January 2016 she (with her now 4 year old son) moved out into her own place. We both felt that it would help our relationship to try do things the right way, then this other guy suddenly came into her life. I guess she had been talking to him for awhile as a friend (and i am not the possessive type)….i’m gonna cut a long story short here…she fell for this guy…she believes she’s meant to be with him….unfortunately he cheated on her…in her moment of weakness she came back to me and we even had a night of passion….but she has pushed me away again cause of the confusion it caused her…she recently told me that she is in love with him still. He has a daughter
People….i will always love her…and i am grateful for reading all your comments…but i promise you all…there is so much in life for you to do….i have been reading books such as “Conversations with God”…..”The Slight Edge”….even “Rich Dad Poor Dad”….i urge you all to stay strong cause life does not end when a love story does. I accept that i will always love her and her son…they will always have a place in my heart…in life, Nothing just happens….God has a plan for all of us i believe…it brought me to this page…i have seen many forums on this, but this is the one that touched my heart…keep believing in yourselves guys….find happiness within…i know its easier said than done, but let these words of encouragement be some sort of help…i promise you all, if you believe you will get through it and be happier. None of us were born at the hip with our exes…its ok to love them…but learn to love yourself first. I wish you all the best…P.S ) Meditation is also a great way to find inner peace…i used to be a skeptic but it really helped me through the toughest times!!
God bless you all! Keep strong people!
I relate to this so much. It is the strangest thing but I have had the same ex always pop into my mind over the years. He is my one regret…not that I fell in love with him but that I let him go. Lately I have been thinking about him quite consistently….. possibly cause of unhappiness in my current relationship. What happened about 8 years ago was him and I were in a very passionate relationship, although short lived. He dumped me so harshly over the phone. I was so angry I swore off men…then I decided to rebound with a good looking guy. Boom my ex comes back into the picture…and he wants me back so badly. And I didn’t take him back but instead continued my rebound relationship. The new guy was a tool. I have never missed someone so badly…what a damn mistake. He is married now…has kids. I consider his wife to be extremely lucky and I hope she knows it. Sometimes I fantasize he will be single again and we will somehow meet…so stupid and sad. I now wonder if I will always love him…and it makes me so depressed. How can I always love someone I cannot touch or kiss or have for myself??? It makes my eyes well up with tears, just the thought of it. Oh well, I guess I will have to somehow keep moving forward and try to forget (not likely that I can forget him).
Thank you a lot for writing this, I actually think in a very similar way than the way that you do.. when i read this I actually felt much better cause now I know that there is someone who probably feels something similar to what I feel! I always try to be possitive about everything and I do encounter happiness in my daily life while I do things i like to do. I do miss her very very much too, but as you said; its kind of like 2 opposite feelings merged in just 1 of them, you normally feel like down, with a huge space in your heart, but you do not let that interfere with your other inner feelings like happiness.. what I’ve learned is that feelings dont last that much, you cant be happy like every second of your life, or sad every second, or angry.. thats why what ive been seeking is something completely different, I seek for peace. As I said before, thank you a lot! Wish you the best !
wishing you all the best!
hi, our relationship was long distance relationship, we were together for 4 years, in 1 year we meet sometimes and the whole time together, those moments are just awesome. with him i feel complete and very happy. But 2 months before when he came to meet me i showed message for a girl, from 1 year she was with a girl, they were doing time pass or attached don’t know, but they were not so serious i came to know. He cried in front of him, talk to his mother about me and help me also during this time, when i was full of depression. But my mind can’t forget these. In these two everyday we breakup everyday, but still i can’t forget. everytime i feel he will start this again , talk to that girl. I tried to contact that girl but she is not replying. What should i do? Please help me
So well written.The difference is that even a year later things that make me smile, remind me of the love for him. That is always there, even with no-contact.
the moment you smile, is a moment he smiles. if it is love, stay true to your path, and believe in your heart, your paths will cross someday soon. i hope you are better these days.
I just want my life back. It was perfect. It’s been almost a year and a half and I still cry everyday.
its okay to cry dear. i hope your days are going better now. 🙂
i m 15 and me and my ex broke up yesterday. we were together for 2 years and 4 months. almost 8-9 months ago i cheated on him, i took him for granted and i have no idea why i did that. i became someone else at that time and by the time i realised it, it had been 2 months. we had a long distance relationship from a year and that made it even more difficult. after i realised my mistake i confessed it to him and never hid anything, not even a single detail. when i told him and i promised him i would never do it again and i really meant it. i tried my best in every way that i could make him understand i have changed and i really did, i saw a good change in myself . after i confessed, after fighting for a day i convinced him somehow and he forgave me because he knew i would do something to myself if he leaves me and that was true. even after he forgave me he had these attacks that he wasnt happy with a person who never thought about our relationship before cheating and i accept my mistake i really do. these attacks kept coming for almost four months and everytime he got depressed he would want to break up but somehow i would make him stay by threatening him to kill myself. i understand that he is really hurt and i would do anything to heal it but i know its not going to work out and staying with me is just going to hurt him in all the ways. yesterday also i threatened him all day to kill myself because he is the only thing i want in my life i had planned my whole life with him. but he told me he had started liking another girl and he asked her out. i asked him for screenshots and the way he said he didnt care about me anymore made me realise it would never work out and that i should move on but i can never forget him or never not know what is going on in his life and i think i can live my life knowing i will always love him and that i should do better in the next relationship i have with a deserving person and i still miss him alot and im going to cry every day for so long i just need some help making new friends and starting over because when i got with him, he made me who i am. i would never know myself or live my life if it wasnt for him and even i changed his whole life and i have no idea where to start over.
Hello dear!
wow. how are you? I’m sorry i am reading all these comments so late. never threaten your life in a relationship. i know exactly the feeling when you really believe you would do such a thing because the pain is so deep and you feel this panic to do something from the fear, anxiety, confusion and emptiness. BUT DONT! DONT EVEN THREATEN IT. All it really does is freak people out, and push them further away when you want them to get closer to you. let your heart heal, and leave enough space in your heart to believe there are so many amazing things YOU HAVE NO IDEA ARE ABOUT TO HAPPEN. much love. take care
and everyone knew we wouldnt ever break up, we had dated before this as well but just for a few weeks. when we broke up at that time, i still cried everyday but showed i moved on, and i didnt know myself at that time. even then we had this connection that was unbreakable but now idk what it is. i still feel like it is unbreakable and i want him to come back. i hope he realizes and comes back because we can work it out
I fell in love with the most amazing guy. We dated for awhile, and I was honestly in love. My friends hated him because he cursed, and they always bad mouthed me and him all the time. I let their anger take over me, and I broke up with him. That’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made. He doesn’t curse anymore, which makes me happy, but he keeps falling for all these other, better girls. I still love him, even after more than a year. What should I do?? Nothing helps me!
Dear Amanda,
first of all, the other girls are not “better”. stop putting yourself down. did you ever tell him how you honestly feel? that breaking up with him was a mistake? if you have and he still wants it to be over, then look at it as closer, and closed that chapter for now. stop yourself from putting too much pressure on yourself and think your life is over. You honestly never know what can happen in the future.