People mess up, and sometimes more than others. They continuously hurt others, because they are hurt themselves.  Do we cast them off into the darkness and shun them from the rest of the world?

Society would say yes. The world we live in rejects the concept of loving those who do not “DESERVE” our love. We play this game of mathematics measuring the love we put in, against the love we receive. Basing actions of kindness on the actual return value.

The thing is, how can we ever expect a better world when we continuously reject and give up on those who need it the most? Is it really such a bad thing to never give up on someone who you love?

This is my dilemma. I have loved only one person my entire life, and it has not been the peaches and roses that Disney movies promise little girls. Disappointment has been in the abundance, and heartache almost routine. According to the mathematics of life, I should find a “better” suitor and pursue my own well being. However,  love is not something you choose, but something you are given. I do not understand why I love this one man more than my own life, but I do. It is perhaps, the hardest experience of my life, but nevertheless a character builder.

It is easy to run from people who hurt you. However, POSITIVE changes in our world can only happen when people share love with those who do not “deserve” it. I am well aware, many people will highly disagree with my perspective, but I do not really care. Loving someone with all my heart has allowed me to love the world with all its imperfections. People will screw you over, and people will disappoint you, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t return their bad actions with a positive one. Yes, you may get hurt. Yes, it may inconvenience your life, but a life all about you, is the precise reason our world is so messed up. This world needs more people that dare the embarrassment of loving something who has screwed you over. Love provides an abundance of lessons. It can out weigh fear, hate, and misery created by human error, but takes a lot work, and belief in the impossible.


Crying. My Ex is a Jerk.


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So here I am crying again, reminded of two years ago, and how it was like to be with my ex. I really love him, and that is singularly the only reason I accept so much crap from him. He has this way of treating me in such a way that “unknowingly” I feel worthless to him. i know all of you are thinking, “crazy girl, get rid of him and find someone who will treat you right and give you the love you need.” However, the reality is, love is not fair.

I look at love like this: Imagine a classroom and each person is paired off with a random partner. Its not your choice but a simple pull from the hat. There are always those few lucky pairs that work well together, think alike, and respect one another. However, the majority are quite mismatched, random, and chaotic. Thats me!

I believe love is exactly like this. Everyone boasts about these “perfect partners” who should do this, and be like this, but no one ever talks about the TRUTH that some people may have a soul mate who is a total DUD, and completely suck. It is simple mathematics. If everyone in the world has only one true soul mate, or even lets say a couple of them, how does that work? Someone is obviously paired off with a serial killer, a flake, or massive player. We try to convince ourselves we are somehow in control of who we select as our mates, but wouldn’t that lead to multiple women attacking the very few “good men” in the world? It just wouldn’t balance out.

So here I am, “randomly” in love with a douche. My heart aches for him, and it doesn’t matter what anyone says, or what I do, I know my heart will always come a live, with the mere thought of him. It is this unexplainable magnetism, or electric trigger, that snaps me into such vulnerability and utter stupidity. I know I may sound dim witted on this site, after all, I continuously ride this merry go round of “love horror” and choose to remain riding it. Most professionals whould label such an idiot, codependent. Call me what you want, but when you meet someone who makes you feel as I feel, there is no denying, this person is not some random jerk. In case I didn’t get my memo, it reads, ” Sorry princess, your sould mate is a moronic flake.”

Most people have trouble losing. It is some how coded in our dna that losers are only for losers. This causes most to take matters into their own hands and disregard the feelings of love an replace them with practical matters that society regards as “happiness, and success”. The perfect man, the nice cars, the luxury vacations, etc.

In modern society, Love has become a verb, and is defined not by how you feel, but what you will do, and what they will do for you. I actually just recently stumbled past an adorable children’s book at the bookstore titled, “I love you because….” Each page was filled with reasons why the mouse loved another mouse, and as cute as it was, it made me think, “This is such a messed up message to send children”. It is basically stating, love is something you can earn. Something you can essentially buy. If you do x, y, or z, then I will love you? Really?

My ex, is a sorry soul. I love him so dearly for an unknown reason. The moment I met him, my heart unknowingly opened up, and it was a connection that cannot be explained. Its like my heart knew him before I did. Its like, my heart loved him, despite my brain choosing not to. He is the kind of guy who values unimportant things, and fake people. He is lost, and causing his own failures and pain. All I can do is watch, and continuosuly live in pain and unrelenting disappointment as my “partner” blindly lives a life of misdirection. I want to help, but I do not know what I can do. Certain aspects of life can only be accomplished and learned on their own, and I believe this is one of them. Love is not some magic potion that fixes all your problems or makes you a better person. Love is a gift in its ability to make you “LIVE” . It intrigues me how similar the word LOVE and Live are. If you add I to Love it means you LIVE, and this belief speaks true to me. Despite a billion and one reasons why I SHOULD leave my ex for good, I cannot simply because the level of love I have for him, far exceeds his stupidity. So, what now? How is one to live, realizing the man she loves will possibly never make her happy? This is where I am at now. The things I seek now, are to give love. I don’t know if I ever will recieve it like others do. Life just never worked out for me like that. I want to be one of the few people who stay real, speak the truth, and help the world because they really want to rather than some political agenda. I know this all must sound cheezy and some fake blogger who is portraying herself as some kind of mother teresa. I know it may be hard to believe, but the purest form of happiness is to “give” love. My painful experiences has taught me how meaningless so many things we cherish are, simply because non of them make you happy when you are in a desperate situation. Love, “thankfulness” and a pure heart, are the golden gifts to cherish, because these are the things that helped me survive my traumatic heart break.

Ignore Attempt: FAIL


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Okay, so I just blogged a couple hours ago about my new genius plan to ignore my ex’s flaky way and see what would happen? Well, turns out he had sent me through skype a “kiss face” and losing all grasp to my brilliant plan, I respond, “are you there?” Of course he is no longer there, leaving myself being “ignored” again. If I would have stopped there, it would have still been okay, but then I emailed him, “Hey just saw your message on skype, can you come online?” I mean like, “what?” How many flavors of stupid can I be? Of course, no response, and now I have successful been ignored 3 times in a day. Serious fail. bleh. Need a drink. Too bad I only have water or apple juice. gnite.

Same Guy = Same Problems


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So my ex and I are talking again. Of course, in many ways it is like a dream. We click in such an unexplainable way. Normally, two years apart changes people in such away that awkwardness and space can not be avoided. However, with my ex and me,its like nothing has changed and two years apart never existed. Sounds great?
Well, not exactly. According to Albert Einstein, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
My ex, and me had a whole truckload of problems, and guess what? They are still there. Normally, this is the moment that most would just throw in the towel and say, “No way. I’m not doing this again.” However, thinking a second outside the box, what if Einstein has a point. I have always behaved exactly the same, and ended in the exact same place. What if I change what I “normally do”, and reverse it? Would that get me different results? I’m intrigued.
For example, one of the biggest problems I have with my ex is his lack of ability to keep promises. He will say, “I will email on Thursdays, or call you at 10…etc”, but he is quite flaky. However, this is where our characters clash. I am the type who keeps all promises, comes exactly on time, and feels awful if I back out on my word. This is my mind set and when he forgets, or doesn’t give a *beep* it hurts my feelings a lot, and I take it very personally. This lead to lack of trust, and ultimately, my explosion of panic attacks. (Panic attacks disappeared after we broke up) I can remember countless nights when he promised to call me, while he was partying because he knew I worried about his promiscuity. Did he? Sometimes he did, but several times he did not, and mysteriously his phone would shut off. This of course would lead me in a spiral down to multiple panic attacks, and a night of desperate texts and messages on his phone that constantly clicked to voicemail. Gosh, such a pathetic and desperate memory of myself. Anyways, these events would always lead me to be out of control, jump to conclusions, and attack him. Even just today, he promised to send me an email scheduling a phone chat tomorrow. Did he? Nope. The girl I was two years ago would have called his cell phone and yelled at him or send him a mean email by now. Did I? Not this time, too predictable, been there done that. I’ve decided to try the “silent” method, and pull back. I’m curious to see if changing my own actions will show a different side to him. Interesting.
In the past, I have always made myself available to him, and waited around for his conveniences. This time it is going to be different. Truthfully, the hardest part is the risk I take. The fact is, I love him, and miss him a lot. I do fear, by ignoring him, he will just disappear, but, honestly, if I do exactly what we normally do, it ends badly 100% every time. Anyways, I’ll give it a try and keep you guys updated…
xo -me

Happiness is a Destination.. Not a Journey.


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So I cam across this quote by Ben Sweetland, “Happiness is a Journey…Not a Destination” and disagreed with it so much that I decided to write about it.

From my experience, “Happiness is a Destination..and not a Journey”. Everyone is constantly pressuring society to be happy all the time, but the reality is, it is not possible, nor meant to be that way.
I use to also believe the main purpose of life was to be happy. However, through my very hard 2, well actually 6 years of my life, I have realized such ideas are very wrong. Sadness, pain, confusion, stress, are all part of the process of reaching “happiness”.
Let’s take a very literal situation of an actual “trip”. The process for me to get there, is always chaotic, stressful, tiring, and quite a bit of work. However, I do it, because I know the destination, will bring me “happiness”. Of course along the way, there will be unexpected happy moments, and fun, but all in all there is “work” to be done.
If anything is desired to be achieved in life, pain, work, stress, heartache, are all factors in the process. If “happiness” is what you expect during the entire process, it hinders your ability to achieve your obstacles. Life has no value if it is easy. it is through the hard moments that you evolve and grow. In many ways, happiness is a lie given to you by society and is being used to discourage rather than motivate. Happiness was never meant to be the meaning of life nor is pain. Happiness is strictly the gift of motivation. We need to stop using it as a tool for discouragement, by giving false information about how it should be constant, and if not you are screwing up somehow. It is meant to help you. Happiness gets you through the pain, and helps you strive for those moments of relief. If you live your life correctly, it is not possible to enjoy all aspects of your life, at all times. If this were the case we would experience nothing, stop growing and go nowhere. Happiness is not constant, but doing what you love will bring you self respect, hope, and self worth. If you are not happy, it means you are in the process of getting there.
Always do what you love, and pain or happiness is all part of the process of painting the greatest picture called, “LIFE”.

Unbelievable Story! Psychic Stops me as I shop to tell me about my ex!


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Okay. So probably no one will believe this post today. I mean, heck, I wouldn’t believe it if it didn’t happen to me. I would probably think it was some desperate blogger trying to rack up views, and create an “interesting” story.
So believe it or not, I’m going to write about it. Largely, because I have a terrible memory and writing it down will help me retain, and process what just happened to me.So weird.
Today, I went shopping to the mall, while my mom went to get her hair done. I bought a couple necklaces at the zara sale, and then my mom picked me up. Anyways, we then went to another store where, I then decided to return to the mall to return one of my necklaces. On the way out, I got an urge to get a coffee, and then this rather pretty, young women, started to speak to me about “a guy” “and he really does love you” “call me”. First, I was, SUPER weirded out. I was like, Excuse me? Do I know you? She then proceeded to say, “I need to give you a reading, there is a guy and he loves you very much but someone in his family is jealous of him and wants to break you guys up” after she said this all bets were off, my mouth dropped to the floor, and I was like, what?! OMG. She then was like, let me give you a reading, and I told her ” I’m sorry, I really have NO money. Which I didn’t because my mom literally just dropped me off to return the Zara necklace. Anyways, she told me its fine, I really need to speak to you and its important, so she directed me to two chairs at the far side of the coffee place. She then started to speak about my ex and how he is my twin flame. I literally gasped when she said this because I had already assumed this 2 years ago when our relationship was a volatile combination of heaven and hell, but I just never spoke about it to anyone besides my ex, and this very “private” blog. After she said twin flames, I was intrigued how much more she could read me, so I just continued to listen. She told me I have a very dark energy over my head and it is coming from the pain in my heart and that I had given up on happiness all together. Which is true. She also knew about my problems sleeping, but of course that could also be pretty obvious with the bags under my eyes. She then proceeded to talk to me about the fact that there were people who are jealous of our relationship, and are a driving wedge in our relationship. Which struck a chord with me, because his younger brother use to have a crush on me and told a very big lie to my ex about how i wanted to kiss him, and he could have had me if he had wanted to. Which is the BIGGEST lie in the world! Nevertheless, it caused a huge trust issue on his part about my feelings for him. She then told me, both of us are not the people we “should” be because of the “negative place” our relationship has become. She even knew my ex’s career had declined since our break and started to tell me he has started to self destruct. In fact she even knew he is living without a soul, and has been very misguided for awhile,a “lost soul”. Which was AMAZING, because I had written on this blog many times, that he is spiritually very lost and constantly doubts the existence of a soul. She then told me, I on the other hand am very spiritual, but she fears I have given up on happiness in it’s entirety. This was true, and was really a hard moment for me, and I nearly cried. She told me, I can tell you are now comfortable with “pain” and you do not eve desire “happiness” but she said to me I must want it again. She said, this heavy cloud over me, is pushing away positive energies, and attracting negative one’s. She said I must be with my ex, and he is very faithful to me and loyal. Which was a BIG thing to hear because I always struggled with my suspicions while we were together. She said we need each other, and pushing each other away is negative for our lives. However, she said my “dark cloud of pain” will prevent us from being together, and will be the cause of our break, every single time. So of course, I am thinking, “Tell Me What To Do?”
She then started by saying she needs to give me a full reading where she will find the cause of this “darkness” whether it from a past life, or from something that happened to me, then she said she would need a handwritten sample, and a picture of my ex, and this all had to be done by tomorrow, for a one time, discounted, great deal, low price of just $80! lol. Ok. So finally got the hook, and she obviously was trying to reel me in as a new client. Don’t get me wrong, she is AMAZING! I am one of the biggest skeptics in the world and she read me like some mystical magician! I believe she has super powers, and I was “meant” to hear the words she spoke to me today. Everything was too powerful and meaningful to me to be left as a simple, scam or trick. 99% of me was and is dying to have her just HELP ME make all my problems go away. However the other 1% is a very powerful percentage that debates the importance of not becoming dependent on a healer, or a psychic, and living your life as you are “told” will bring happiness, or the “correct” outcome. For me, my importance lies in the decisions I make from my own will, strength, and soul. They may bring me unhappiness, failure and pain, but it at least will not cheat me, “the process of “trying” and “living” my life without an answer key.
Don’t get me wrong, I am beyond appreciative of all the things she has told me today, and I will cherish our conversation as some mystical, surreal, encounter, that I will never fully understand, explain, or forget.
However, I do believe there comes a point in every situation when you, must shut that pandora’s box, and walkaway. Of course the temptation is huge to sneak a peak at the end of the book, and see how things will end. However, the meaning of my life is to “live”, and making my own mistakes is part of that journey. Success, and happiness, is not my belief as the purpose of one’s life. Just as a good book is not determined by the level of how successful or happy the character ends up, a good life is also not based on the positive life, but the complexity and growth of the character itself.
wow. this post took a heavy turn into a direction i didn’t predict. sorry about the disappearance of capital letters where they belong, and probably several grammatical errors. it’s very late or i guess very early in the morning and i am delusional. i literally can’t even remember what i just wrote. take care friend. gnite.

Rant: Guys and Sluts


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So it’s late now, and of course this means I’m alone with my thoughts, and frustrations, making me want to rant.
Topic of the moment: Sluts

Listen, I am not one to use bad language, and I do not believe anyone should be demoralized as a “slut” if they are not. However, if it quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, and tastes like a duck, it’s a freaken DUCK.
In other words, some girls/guys really deserve the title, “slut”. This is the physical act of sleeping with anyone, and everyone. Sex is acted as a physical form of pleasure, and to them, it really doesn’t matter who it is with.
So why does that bother me and make me want to rant in the wee hours of the morning? Simple. The guy I love is a slut. When he left me, he told me it was for his sanity and it was crucial for him to focus on his career. Did he do that? Nope. Basically he left our relationship of 8 years, acted like a slut and hooked up with sluts. This not only adds salt to a already bloody wound, but it is topped off by insults and questions.

I think of sluts like fast food. They are fast, cheap, pleasureable, and regrettable. It personally makes me feel sick and insulted that, somehow, in the mix of the “time” battle, I lost and they won. He left me to spend time with them? Ouch. I know that “logically” he is the idiot, but in my heart it is still another gash into my bloody heart. I mean, after all, a battle lost is a battle lost. However, how can a good girl beat a slut at her game?
My ex will never admit to it, but there was always this girl, who by the way, was once in love with him and they had hooked up right before we got together. Anyways, she was always around him during our relationship. Even going as far as becoming best friends with his younger brother! Married, single, friends, you name it she slept with them. Not to mention she even had an abortion with a married man. To top it off she is not attractive at all. However, she still managed to be the girl that caused me the most suspicision, pain and insecurity in my entire relationship with my ex. It is pathetic and humiliating that I felt such a character is “competition” but the truth of the matter is, sluts don’t fight fair. They are all ice cream and cake, and I am left serving broccoli and spinach, because I “care”. They are all fun, and games, with no rules, responsibility, or obligations. I always assumed my ex left me for her once I moved back to the States. I mean, they were hanging out a lot the week he dumped me.
Anyways, fast forward two years later, and back into present tense. I asked him, if he had gotten in a relationship with her since we had broken up. He denied it, but said he had slept with her once but it meant nothing. For me, it was heart wrenching, because,a) I don’t believe him and b) of all people, NOT her! Not to mention she has been there all this time. Before me, during me, and after me. She is like this creepy leech that will never let go. Clearly, she won and… Okay, I think I’m going to start crying.
Anyways, Life is eternally painful for me. I love this idiot, despite the fact that I will never really get anything back from him. People promise you that the person you love will Love you back, and you will live this “happily ever after”. Well, I am here to tell you that Is a bunch of crap. I love this man who I know loves me, but thats not enough to have a relationship. Society constantly mixes up the two, but if you want a long, successful relationship with the person you love, you have to want love and want to grow up and do the “right” things. I honestly, do not believe my ex wants love, and finds his weaknesses for me as a nusiance. I make him feel something, and that’s annoying. I tell him things he doesn’t want to hear because I love and care for him, but that is inconvenient and makes him blame me for his problems. Life is not as simple as it is made out to be. Love may be eternal, but the ability to remain together, takes work and maturity.
Sluts make it harder for love to survive, especially with men who have brains in their nuts.
RANT ENDS. goodnight.

Ex Writes Back, 2 Years Later


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So here I am, the heartbreak girl. lol. I can laugh now, but that’s only because I use it as a coping mechanism for pain. Anyways, recently my ex sent me a short message to me, leading up to two very long conversations, and some emails.
If you do not know the back story, he basically dumped me 2 years ago, after I moved away.We were best friends for 4 years and then followed that with another 4 tumultuous years as a couple. Heartbroken as I was, I wrote my bloody tears down on this blog and basically isolated myself from the world.
Cut forward two years later, and it turns out my ex, does love me, or so he says. However, he was not single, in fact had two relationships and a million hookups, but says he could not “forget me”, no matter how hard he tried.
The crazy thing is, I believe him. Maybe partly because my heart wants to, but the thing is, his description of pain sounds familiar to what I went through. Of course he reacted in the negative and used drugs, alcohol, and women to drive his career to nowhere land, while I embraced my pain, became bitter but empowered, and now with a thriving career.
So are we back together? Nope. lol. Why I laugh? I don’t know, but the only way to deal with the shrill pain of it, is to find humor in my ridiculous situation. Anyways, so I guess, he is considering marrying me, just not now. The funny thing is, I have matured a lot in these two years, and yet he sounds exactly the same as I left him. Still hopelessly selfish, immature, and running away from me. Unfortunately for me, he is the man I love, and it seems I haven’t much choice. However, a girl can get wise, grow up, and see things for what it is.
Firstly, let’s get real, I don’t see him ever really committing to me. Although, I do believe he may “want” to. I am proud to say, I am not that girl anymore who is waiting around for his call, or text. I have a life now, and it is completely my own, and that in itself is amazing! In my heart he is #1, but in my life he is like # 157 or some other random number.
Let me explain. Before, I would drop anything to be with him, or adjust to him. He was #1 in my life. This is what I thought one should do in a relationship or when you love someone. Not the case. Always, love yourself first. I know this idea is viewed as selfish or wrong somehow, but lets face it, at the very end of all tough situations, most often “YOU” is all you’ve got. At least in my situation, depending on “people”, has never worked out for me. I have my list of things I must do, and after all is checked off, then and only then do I leave room for my “ex”.
I love him, and it’s complicated. But honestly, he is the most amazing person to talk to for me. We have such intellectual conversations, and our opposite world mentality creates challenging debates, and it really invigorates my soul….I guess, I don’t know what I want anymore. I do feel strongly that he is someone special enough to keep contact and have in my life. Perhaps, a friendship? Ideally, of course I would love to be with him, but honestly, relationships call for “social maturity” and ethical morality, and currently he has very little of each.
I know I will always love him. Let’s face it, we all have that one guy/girl that just has your heart forever. My heart was given to him long ago, but I’m stronger now, and I don’t “need” him to survive. Before he felt like my air, and without him I would die. Not true. Believe it or not, one can live and survive without the person you love. In fact once you learn how, it is extremely empowering and gives you the confidence of being able to conquer most anything.
I learned a valuable lessons in these past two years. The fact that I love him, did remain constant, but believe it or not, loving him is a very small part of who I am. Discovering that part of me that belongs solely to me has allowed me to grow in ways I never knew existed. Take care guys, Im sure I will be ranting here more often.

Barbara Walters Eulogy for Joan Rivers: Friend or Foe?


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In the New York Daily News, Walters published a Eulogy to Joan Rivers admitting “there may have even been a bit of competition between us in the beginning,” but said she and Rivers eventually became close, calling her old friend “wonderful company.”

First of all, am I the only one that didn’t know Barbara Walters was such a “close friend” to Joan Rivers? Her Eulogy was equally perplexing with it’s rather
sweet outer crust of praise, while constantly making conflicting jabs that left a bitter after taste for every reader.

Barbara Walters wrote:

“But there are a few things that are important to know about Joan Rivers; and she would not be shy about me saying so.

She wasn’t a great beauty and she didn’t have great success with men. She had a disappointing marriage to a man who almost ruined her career and then, sadly, committed suicide.

Her stage act was very raunchy. She would make fun of herself. Make fun of her looks. Make fun of her body and she would put herself down in order to win an audience’s approval. Frankly she did almost anything for a laugh. Anything to get an applause. And boy did she make them roar.” (Barbara Walters in New York Daily News)

As a respected journalist for most of her life, it is shocking for me to read a Eulogy that sounds more like a script out of “Mean Girls”, rather than a heartfelt goodbye to a dear friend.

Yes, Joan River’s comedy was completely uncensored. It was shocking, without limits, and unpredictable. However, she was undeniably brilliant. Always balancing the harshness of her words with a love-able wit that allowed you to not take yourself or others too seriously. If she has taught me anything, it is to not fear my weaknesses, but to laugh at them. We all have them and so did she. Always horribly raw, she touched the hearts of many, and it is with great disappointment to read such a biting Eulogy.
Rest in Peace Joan Rivers, you will live forever in the hearts of those you have touched.

Dealing With Goodbyes

I guess the first signs you are “maturing” as a human being, is when good byes get hard.
The only way this really happens to a person is when you have truly loved another and then lost.
In my case, it was a consecutive loss of my grandfather, my dog, and then the ending of my relationship to the only person I ever loved. These experiences have made me realize the shrill pain that follows, a definitive goodbye to someone you continuously love.
It is the most strangest thing to be so close to someone one moment and be so much a part of someone’s life and then to have that life end, and another begins. It really is a form of “living death”. The life you knew goes from reality to memory, and then to a blurry haze that is but a dream.
The truth of the matter is, you get a bit traumatized. My mind has reprogrammed itself, where I am painfully aware of the backstory of a “real goodbye”. My past self translated living in the moment with forgetting the bad and just enjoying the moment. It was a carelessly free way to live, but rather unaware of the depth that is life. The term “living” is not all about making yourself happy. My present self understands things end. Living in the moment means you appreciate every second of that moment simply because you are painfully aware that the moment is precious in its finality. No one is guaranteed a tomorrow, or a forever.
When we live in this mindset of time limits and appreciation, this is when you live. It hurts and it is scary to live this way, because “appreciation” is never sugar coated in all things happy and sweet.
Now, I constantly live with appreciation for everything I have. I am less materialistic, and enjoy the small things is life. However, with that comes the bad, and I currently suffer from “goodbyes”. The realization of endings are scary, and fearful to attach yourself to peoole that will cause you greater pain when it will all come to an end. However, you have to keep on facing those fears and reminding yourself, to not turn away from relationships/friendships, despite the pain that may result from the end.
It is not easy, as I realized this today. I had my last driving lesson with a teacher I have grown quite fond of. I have felt down all day, almost to the point of tears. I know it may seem melodramatic considering he is just my driving teacher, but when I think I will never see or speak to him again, all the other traumatic goodbyes, come back to me. Finality is hard, but time after time, I realize there is strength in places you do not know, and the heart is made to be rebuilt.
Do not risk the chance to live for the fear of being hurt. pain is inevitable.