Crying. My Ex is a Jerk.

Tags

codependent, depression, heartbreak, Life, love, mathematics of love, soul, soul mates

So here I am crying again, reminded of two years ago, and how it was like to be with my ex. I really love him, and that is singularly the only reason I accept so much crap from him. He has this way of treating me in such a way that “unknowingly” I feel worthless to him. i know all of you are thinking, “crazy girl, get rid of him and find someone who will treat you right and give you the love you need.” However, the reality is, love is not fair.

I look at love like this: Imagine a classroom and each person is paired off with a random partner. Its not your choice but a simple pull from the hat. There are always those few lucky pairs that work well together, think alike, and respect one another. However, the majority are quite mismatched, random, and chaotic. Thats me!

I believe love is exactly like this. Everyone boasts about these “perfect partners” who should do this, and be like this, but no one ever talks about the TRUTH that some people may have a soul mate who is a total DUD, and completely suck. It is simple mathematics. If everyone in the world has only one true soul mate, or even lets say a couple of them, how does that work? Someone is obviously paired off with a serial killer, a flake, or massive player. We try to convince ourselves we are somehow in control of who we select as our mates, but wouldn’t that lead to multiple women attacking the very few “good men” in the world? It just wouldn’t balance out.

So here I am, “randomly” in love with a douche. My heart aches for him, and it doesn’t matter what anyone says, or what I do, I know my heart will always come a live, with the mere thought of him. It is this unexplainable magnetism, or electric trigger, that snaps me into such vulnerability and utter stupidity. I know I may sound dim witted on this site, after all, I continuously ride this merry go round of “love horror” and choose to remain riding it. Most professionals whould label such an idiot, codependent. Call me what you want, but when you meet someone who makes you feel as I feel, there is no denying, this person is not some random jerk. In case I didn’t get my memo, it reads, ” Sorry princess, your sould mate is a moronic flake.”

Most people have trouble losing. It is some how coded in our dna that losers are only for losers. This causes most to take matters into their own hands and disregard the feelings of love an replace them with practical matters that society regards as “happiness, and success”. The perfect man, the nice cars, the luxury vacations, etc.

In modern society, Love has become a verb, and is defined not by how you feel, but what you will do, and what they will do for you. I actually just recently stumbled past an adorable children’s book at the bookstore titled, “I love you because….” Each page was filled with reasons why the mouse loved another mouse, and as cute as it was, it made me think, “This is such a messed up message to send children”. It is basically stating, love is something you can earn. Something you can essentially buy. If you do x, y, or z, then I will love you? Really?

My ex, is a sorry soul. I love him so dearly for an unknown reason. The moment I met him, my heart unknowingly opened up, and it was a connection that cannot be explained. Its like my heart knew him before I did. Its like, my heart loved him, despite my brain choosing not to. He is the kind of guy who values unimportant things, and fake people. He is lost, and causing his own failures and pain. All I can do is watch, and continuosuly live in pain and unrelenting disappointment as my “partner” blindly lives a life of misdirection. I want to help, but I do not know what I can do. Certain aspects of life can only be accomplished and learned on their own, and I believe this is one of them. Love is not some magic potion that fixes all your problems or makes you a better person. Love is a gift in its ability to make you “LIVE” . It intrigues me how similar the word LOVE and Live are. If you add I to Love it means you LIVE, and this belief speaks true to me. Despite a billion and one reasons why I SHOULD leave my ex for good, I cannot simply because the level of love I have for him, far exceeds his stupidity. So, what now? How is one to live, realizing the man she loves will possibly never make her happy? This is where I am at now. The things I seek now, are to give love. I don’t know if I ever will recieve it like others do. Life just never worked out for me like that. I want to be one of the few people who stay real, speak the truth, and help the world because they really want to rather than some political agenda. I know this all must sound cheezy and some fake blogger who is portraying herself as some kind of mother teresa. I know it may be hard to believe, but the purest form of happiness is to “give” love. My painful experiences has taught me how meaningless so many things we cherish are, simply because non of them make you happy when you are in a desperate situation. Love, “thankfulness” and a pure heart, are the golden gifts to cherish, because these are the things that helped me survive my traumatic heart break.
-xo

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Same Guy = Same Problems

Tags

albert einstein, change, depression, heartbreak, insanity, Life, love, panic attacks, twin souls

So my ex and I are talking again. Of course, in many ways it is like a dream. We click in such an unexplainable way. Normally, two years apart changes people in such away that awkwardness and space can not be avoided. However, with my ex and me,its like nothing has changed and two years apart never existed. Sounds great?
Well, not exactly. According to Albert Einstein, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
My ex, and me had a whole truckload of problems, and guess what? They are still there. Normally, this is the moment that most would just throw in the towel and say, “No way. I’m not doing this again.” However, thinking a second outside the box, what if Einstein has a point. I have always behaved exactly the same, and ended in the exact same place. What if I change what I “normally do”, and reverse it? Would that get me different results? I’m intrigued.
For example, one of the biggest problems I have with my ex is his lack of ability to keep promises. He will say, “I will email on Thursdays, or call you at 10…etc”, but he is quite flaky. However, this is where our characters clash. I am the type who keeps all promises, comes exactly on time, and feels awful if I back out on my word. This is my mind set and when he forgets, or doesn’t give a *beep* it hurts my feelings a lot, and I take it very personally. This lead to lack of trust, and ultimately, my explosion of panic attacks. (Panic attacks disappeared after we broke up) I can remember countless nights when he promised to call me, while he was partying because he knew I worried about his promiscuity. Did he? Sometimes he did, but several times he did not, and mysteriously his phone would shut off. This of course would lead me in a spiral down to multiple panic attacks, and a night of desperate texts and messages on his phone that constantly clicked to voicemail. Gosh, such a pathetic and desperate memory of myself. Anyways, these events would always lead me to be out of control, jump to conclusions, and attack him. Even just today, he promised to send me an email scheduling a phone chat tomorrow. Did he? Nope. The girl I was two years ago would have called his cell phone and yelled at him or send him a mean email by now. Did I? Not this time, too predictable, been there done that. I’ve decided to try the “silent” method, and pull back. I’m curious to see if changing my own actions will show a different side to him. Interesting.
In the past, I have always made myself available to him, and waited around for his conveniences. This time it is going to be different. Truthfully, the hardest part is the risk I take. The fact is, I love him, and miss him a lot. I do fear, by ignoring him, he will just disappear, but, honestly, if I do exactly what we normally do, it ends badly 100% every time. Anyways, I’ll give it a try and keep you guys updated…
xo -me

Happiness is a Destination.. Not a Journey.

Tags

ben sweetland, depression, hope, Life, love, meaning of life, stress

So I cam across this quote by Ben Sweetland, “Happiness is a Journey…Not a Destination” and disagreed with it so much that I decided to write about it.

From my experience, “Happiness is a Destination..and not a Journey”. Everyone is constantly pressuring society to be happy all the time, but the reality is, it is not possible, nor meant to be that way.
I use to also believe the main purpose of life was to be happy. However, through my very hard 2, well actually 6 years of my life, I have realized such ideas are very wrong. Sadness, pain, confusion, stress, are all part of the process of reaching “happiness”.
Let’s take a very literal situation of an actual “trip”. The process for me to get there, is always chaotic, stressful, tiring, and quite a bit of work. However, I do it, because I know the destination, will bring me “happiness”. Of course along the way, there will be unexpected happy moments, and fun, but all in all there is “work” to be done.
If anything is desired to be achieved in life, pain, work, stress, heartache, are all factors in the process. If “happiness” is what you expect during the entire process, it hinders your ability to achieve your obstacles. Life has no value if it is easy. it is through the hard moments that you evolve and grow. In many ways, happiness is a lie given to you by society and is being used to discourage rather than motivate. Happiness was never meant to be the meaning of life nor is pain. Happiness is strictly the gift of motivation. We need to stop using it as a tool for discouragement, by giving false information about how it should be constant, and if not you are screwing up somehow. It is meant to help you. Happiness gets you through the pain, and helps you strive for those moments of relief. If you live your life correctly, it is not possible to enjoy all aspects of your life, at all times. If this were the case we would experience nothing, stop growing and go nowhere. Happiness is not constant, but doing what you love will bring you self respect, hope, and self worth. If you are not happy, it means you are in the process of getting there.
Always do what you love, and pain or happiness is all part of the process of painting the greatest picture called, “LIFE”.

Rant: Guys and Sluts

Tags

breakups, broken heart, cheating, depression, dumped, exboyfriends, heartbreak, idiots, Life, love, sluts

So it’s late now, and of course this means I’m alone with my thoughts, and frustrations, making me want to rant.
Topic of the moment: Sluts

Listen, I am not one to use bad language, and I do not believe anyone should be demoralized as a “slut” if they are not. However, if it quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, and tastes like a duck, it’s a freaken DUCK.
In other words, some girls/guys really deserve the title, “slut”. This is the physical act of sleeping with anyone, and everyone. Sex is acted as a physical form of pleasure, and to them, it really doesn’t matter who it is with.
So why does that bother me and make me want to rant in the wee hours of the morning? Simple. The guy I love is a slut. When he left me, he told me it was for his sanity and it was crucial for him to focus on his career. Did he do that? Nope. Basically he left our relationship of 8 years, acted like a slut and hooked up with sluts. This not only adds salt to a already bloody wound, but it is topped off by insults and questions.

I think of sluts like fast food. They are fast, cheap, pleasureable, and regrettable. It personally makes me feel sick and insulted that, somehow, in the mix of the “time” battle, I lost and they won. He left me to spend time with them? Ouch. I know that “logically” he is the idiot, but in my heart it is still another gash into my bloody heart. I mean, after all, a battle lost is a battle lost. However, how can a good girl beat a slut at her game?
My ex will never admit to it, but there was always this girl, who by the way, was once in love with him and they had hooked up right before we got together. Anyways, she was always around him during our relationship. Even going as far as becoming best friends with his younger brother! Married, single, friends, you name it she slept with them. Not to mention she even had an abortion with a married man. To top it off she is not attractive at all. However, she still managed to be the girl that caused me the most suspicision, pain and insecurity in my entire relationship with my ex. It is pathetic and humiliating that I felt such a character is “competition” but the truth of the matter is, sluts don’t fight fair. They are all ice cream and cake, and I am left serving broccoli and spinach, because I “care”. They are all fun, and games, with no rules, responsibility, or obligations. I always assumed my ex left me for her once I moved back to the States. I mean, they were hanging out a lot the week he dumped me.
Anyways, fast forward two years later, and back into present tense. I asked him, if he had gotten in a relationship with her since we had broken up. He denied it, but said he had slept with her once but it meant nothing. For me, it was heart wrenching, because,a) I don’t believe him and b) of all people, NOT her! Not to mention she has been there all this time. Before me, during me, and after me. She is like this creepy leech that will never let go. Clearly, she won and… Okay, I think I’m going to start crying.
Anyways, Life is eternally painful for me. I love this idiot, despite the fact that I will never really get anything back from him. People promise you that the person you love will Love you back, and you will live this “happily ever after”. Well, I am here to tell you that Is a bunch of crap. I love this man who I know loves me, but thats not enough to have a relationship. Society constantly mixes up the two, but if you want a long, successful relationship with the person you love, you have to want love and want to grow up and do the “right” things. I honestly, do not believe my ex wants love, and finds his weaknesses for me as a nusiance. I make him feel something, and that’s annoying. I tell him things he doesn’t want to hear because I love and care for him, but that is inconvenient and makes him blame me for his problems. Life is not as simple as it is made out to be. Love may be eternal, but the ability to remain together, takes work and maturity.
Sluts make it harder for love to survive, especially with men who have brains in their nuts.
RANT ENDS. goodnight.

Break ups and Moving On

Tags

broken heart, depression, hope, letting go, Life, love, moving on, separation

Breaking up is hard, but the challenging part is moving on.

People, often misunderstand “moving on” as in dating someone new or trying to forget about the person you are no longer with. The heart is not something you can control. You may change all factors of your life, but your heart will still remain where it wants.

If you want to move on, the first step is accepting you have very little control of your heart. It loves who it chooses, and you have very little say. Trust me, letting go of this power will prevent you from making regrettable mistakes.

Moving on means, you accept the path you were given. It is the “physical”separation of starting a new life, and the “physical” act of moving forward. Who you love is not something you can control, but you have complete control in what you will do. Get up, clean your room, brush your teeth, these are all things that you CAN do. Will it cure your broken heart? Probably not, but these positive first steps are moving you forward.

Emotions are something that will change in reaction to what you do, therefore, the clearing or collecting of negative vibes will determine the course of your future. If you desire to dig your way out of a dark depression then you must clear out all negativity from your life. Open your curtains, get some sun, hang out with positive people, and do good things. Positive places and behaviors, are like the saying, “Birds of a feather flock together”, it attracts good people and better outcomes. 

Everyday, I live with a broken heart. There hasn’t been one day I didn’t think about my ex, or find my heart wandering to him. However, what I have also  learned is time moves you forward whether you like it or not. Don’t fight the natural course your life is making and trust things will work itself out. Nature is far wiser than we are, and like a tsunami or earthquake, the earth always rebuilds itself. 

good luck friends,

x

 

So this is LOVE…

Tags

break up, depression, Life, love, mcfly, speech, Thankful, tom fletcher, wedding, wedding song

This is perhaps the most beautiful wedding speech to ever exist. Published over a year ago, it immediately went viral and brought tears to millions. It currently is reaching 13 million in views. Whether you are happily in love or treacherously heart broken, or somewhere in the middle, this is proof “LOVE” is existing in our world.

I first watched this video a year ago, right around my break-up. I remember sobbing, wishing, my ex would have been able to love me the way this man loves his wife, and our tragic end, would have somehow been a “happily ever after” .
Over a year has passed and I stumbled across this video again and once again cried, but this time I was inspired to write. The wheels in my head now functioning, I am able to understand why this video is so beautiful to me.
After having my heartbroken, and losing my “happily ever after” with the only man I ever loved, there was many chances to make a left turn into “Bitterville”. Actually, it is a constant battle, to not be bitter for those lucky couples that somehow, “love” each other so “Beautifully”. I am not talking about perfection, because nothing is more boring than “perfect”. I am talking the kind of Love where you know what you have and you are capable of cherishing it and appreciating the gift that was bestowed upon you. Of course they also have their quarrels and problems, and maybe they will split someday, but for even this one moment, to love so purely, so eternally. The kind of love where it makes you so grateful to everyone, from friends, to family and spreading thanks. This wedding is a celebration of LOVE, and you can feel the energy in the air, and the power of what love can do. LOVE is all about THANKS, and the more you can do this the more beautiful and stronger you become.
Unfortunately, for some, including myself, rather than growing more thankful as I loved, I grew more fearful. Afraid of losing what I cherished so much, and jealous of those who endangered it. So rather than our love growing stronger, and strengthening us as individuals, it did the exact opposite.
Such a fragile thing, this thing called Love. The tears that fall down my cheeks now, as I watch this video, are bittersweet. So sweet to know that love in this world does exist so beautifully, and there are people that find a way to cherish it in the most beautiful way. It touches my heart in such a inexplainable way, and I hope more couples achieve this type of “love” that is made of complete and utter appreciation.

Post Break-Up Advice: Tips on How to get Through It.

Tags

break up, depression, dumped, how to get over a break up, insomnia, Life, love, tips, ways to get through depression

 

“It has been a rough year, but the good news is, I got to eat a lot of Pizza.” Me

Over the course of a year, I have become quite a master of “comforting myself”. lol.( Currently, chuckling at how desperate that just sounded.) Anyways, when your days are filled with tears and heart ache, ANYTHING that makes it even a tiny bit better, is worth considering. 

Here are My Top 7 Tips

1.) Cuddly Blanket

 

The concept is pretty much the same as a kid sleeping with a “blankie”. lol. I snuggle with my ultra  plush blanket every night, and it brings me so much comfort. I can’t explain why, but it works!

2.) Candle

 

Candles are extremely relaxing and if you can find a scent you love, it really becomes such a treat to spend a part of your day next to one. 

3.) Bath Bombs

 

Even if you are not a bath person, trust me when I tell you nothing soothes your nerves like a warm bath with bath products. The key is to find a smell you like, dim the lights in your bathroom, and enjoy. 

 

4.) Vloggers on Youtube

Vloggers are something I discovered right after my break up. I honestly did not know such things existed but now a days anything is possible. Anyway, vloggers are people who document their lives daily, and post them on YouTube. 

The family I like to watch are called, SACCONEJOLYs and they live in Ireland. You can’t imagine how much it helped me to watch them throughout this year. I know it sounds a bit creepy, to watch people’s lives you do not know, but for my situation it was perfect! The fact is, I cut off all my friendships and had absolutely no social life, so watching vloggers, feels like you have a “friend” amd their little baby girl, Emilia is soooooo CUTE!

SACCONEJOLYs find them on Youtube

 

 

Emilia the cutest baby in the World!

 

These are their 6 dogs! 

 

4.) Hobbies

 

Start a hobby that excites you. Don’t worry about how crazy it might be or strange. The more new something feels, the less you relate to your past.

5.) Exercise

 

Force yourself to take a walk or a simply do some sit ups, and release those happy endorphins!

6.) Green Tea

 

Every morning the first thing I drink is a Big cup of really thick green tea. It is the most comforting drink I know, and according to research, it is proven to prevent  heart disease, cancer, etc. It is actually proven to reduce stress, and anxiety, even acne! 

7.) CHOCHLATE!

When all else Fails….CHOCHLATE!! If you can depend on anything, chochlate is always there…..lol

Warning….may make you fat if repeated too many times.

 

This is Me: Being Painfully Honest

Tags

depression, heart broken, insomnia, Life, loneliness, love, sadness

 

Dear Reader,

Right now, I am in that horrible moment of pain and fear. Normally, my blogs are always encouraging and motivational, but today I decided to blog when I am in a much different state.

So it’s like this. It is 3 am, and I am lying in bed. I can’t sleep and I am on the verge of tears. Every time it happens I don’t understand. Having had it happen so many times, I don’t even bother to make sense of it, It is such an intense feeling of sadness, that comes whenever it feels like. It has a mind of its own, And I’ve learned to coexist with it.

I miss him. The closest way to describe it, is my soul wanting to reach him. I don’t really have anything to say or the need to write him or see him, but the intensity of sadness still comes like a tsunami. Normally, these days I have been great. I practice ballet everyday, I have orchestra rehearsals, and feel quite alright. They are all good signs, normally meaning I am moving on and getting over it, but it doesn’t feel like it. My soul hasn’t moved on. It still searches for him wanting him. It is such a unbelievable feeling of loneliness. I know, everyone believes I should go out, and meet people and socialize, I mean it has been over a year. However, I just can’t. It makes me miss him more when I socialize with people, and it’s something no one really understands. The only thing that gives me some peace, is being a lone. I am in a relationship with me, and this too can drive you half mad. I am constantly thinking, and wondering how so many people can live a life so misguided. Partly jealous of their ignorance, and total bliss. I remember back to the days when I would buy a pair of Gucci pumps, twirl in front of a mirror and do a little runway walk. Absolutely, carefree, ridiculously simple minded, but totally happy. Now, I live a life of constant reflection, and questions of purpose, quality and reasoning. Everything in life now has a meaning, a reason and a purpose. My mother finds me completely dull and tunes out all of my philosophical jargon. She calls me boring, and worries no man will ever marry such a crazy over thinker.

The sad thing is, I don’t care. What is marriage if your heart is still so completely attached to someone else? The truth is I know I’m at that age where the clock is ticking, and I should have babies. I am aware all women are not like men, and the window of opportunity is less as we age. I of course would love to have a baby and be a mother,but where my heart is right now, it is not possible for me. It is gradually coming to my realization a life with a family, and the comfort of “people’s love” may not be in my destiny. Please do not read this post as a pity fest. I do not feel sorry for myself in any way. Everything has its reason, and perhaps It is my destiny to wander the earth alone serving the work of God. I know it is still possible that I am struck with love again, , but if not, ONE time was more than enough.

 

 

 

 

How My Views on Cannabis Have Changed

Tags

cannabis, depression, drug use, Life, love, marijuana, patrick kennedy, philosophy, pot, thc, weed

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Can I first start by saying, does anyone know why this one drug has so many names? Cannabis, pot, marijuana, THC, weed,  and the list goes on.  Anyways, I wrote about “weed” over a year ago, right around when my ex-flame and I split up. It was actually the topic of our last fight and the  final snap to our entire relationship. 

Lately, the topic of cannabis is popping up all around me, and I have realized my mind is working very differently than it did a year ago. A year ago, after I moved away, I noticed my then boy friend, spiral into depression and increasing use of pot. By the final days of our relationship, he was going over to his friend’s house every night to smoke, and drink. It scared me to see him loose the fire in his eyes, and I immediately feared the health risks it may cause him. The last email I wrote him besides my after break-up “goodbye”, was a 6 page informational email all about Cannabis. Being the complete nerd that I am, it contained diagrams, pie charts, and graphs. After this email we skyped the next day, and of course, again, he was partying the night before, hungover, and obviously completely not interested anything I wrote. Leading to a huge blowout fight, that became our final fight and official break up. Of course there were millions of other issues in our relationship but this happened to be the last issue we dealt with.

Now jump over a year later, looking back on my reaction, I see how silly my reaction was. My intentions were obviously good, but as far as making any change, gigantic fail. The truth is, as many articles as I collect stating  the health risks attached to drug use, there are just as many articles written stating there are no real health risks. Now a days, there is so much information on the web, it’s hard to depend on “facts” as truly facts unless you are the one who is literally making the tests and looking through the microscope. 

So what to do then? Lets first realize drug use is a philosophical issue, rather than a “health” issue. This is the biggest realization I have made. I was so focused on the “physical” impact rather than the social and mental reasoning of drug use. After all, unless you are retarded or lived under a rock all your life, you do realize “drugs” are not healthy and a “BAD” thing to do. Debating how dangerous something is or is not, and studying the science behind it, is only interesting to people who would never do drugs in the first place. The topic of discussion should be, “How do you want to live you life?” 
All the issues dealing with drug use have to do with philosophical issues. State of mind, meaning of life, secrets, identity, etc. People do drugs, to escape, but we spend so much time telling them how unhealthy it is, when none of that really matters to a user. Of course basic knowledge at High Schools are a must, and kids who do it to fit in, are not the same as adults who do it.

Drug use is like “cheating”. You cheat life, when you skip steps or use substances to “feel” something. Everything you are experiencing does not belong to you, but to the drug. The drug is center stage, the lead role in your life. You are the life of the party or you think you are but truth is, the “Drug” is the life of the party, you are simply a empty shell. It is like watching a movie, and experiencing a situation, rather than actually “LIVING” in your Movie. You become a spectator, undeniably amused, but lacking in your own motivation. In the beginning the illusion is strong, but constantly fading, devouring you. You think you are relaxed, but the state of denial, or escapism, is never peaceful. Constantly regretting, avoiding, and feeling guilty, needing more ways to cover the noise in your head. Masking your issues, over and over again, like a hoarder, it’s only time. Time will unfortunately reveal all truths, and then what?

Break Up Update: It’s been One Year.

Tags

anniversary, Break ups, depression, grumpy cat, happy, Life, living, love, suicide, Thankful

 

Hello Readers,

So its been a year, since my devastating breakup. For those of you who follow my blogs, know that the basis of almost all my posts are around heartbreak, love, and how  I deal with it. 

Today is a bittersweet day. A kind of satirical Birthday, of celebration and loss. I lost the love of my life, and still miss and love him dearly, but I can honestly say, this is the day I got my life back. I was devastated and completely lost. A complete mess, filled with pain that made me question love, life, religion, mankind, and everything I have every known or been taught. This was the moment, I started to think for myself, because quite honestly, this was my only savior.

What is life or love? Everyone runs around living a life to fit the ideals of others while completely avoiding the one main question of life. Why are we here? What is this purpose of life, and why was it given to me? When you experience as much pain as I did, there comes a point where you question life, and start questioning whether it is worth hanging on. What is the value of this life, that fills me with pain? It was at this time I realized “Happiness” is not the star of a worthy life. If you think about it, Happy means you get what you want, and you have what you need. With a universal mindset that “Happy” is the end all be all, we are doomed for disappointment and failure.

If this is the case, what should be the star of a worthy life? The answer is, “thankful”. To be thankful, means you appreciate whatever you have, a constant state of appreciation. Make your bed in the morning not because it looks nice, or you were told to, but as a silent “thank you” to the fact you have a bed, and sheets, and blankets. This may sound crazy to some, but showing appreciation does not require a response or acceptance. You do it, for yourself, for your own growth, and character. No matter how wealthy one is, I believe everyone should make their own bed, pick up after themselves, and show respect to everything whether alive or not. We live in such a wasteful age where we just throw things away, and buy   a new one. Believe it or not, this attitude spills over to the way you live your life and treat those you love. 

As soon as I focused my mind in a “thankful” way, I regained my strength. Like a flip of a switch,  I went from having nothing, to a life full of gifts, and possibilities. I may no longer have the one person I ever loved, but I now can see how lucky I really. The truth is, Life may not bless you in some areas, but if you look carefully, you have been blessed in many other ways.