I think one of the craziest things about life is the difference between what you think love will be like  and what it actually turns out to be. FYI, not all love stories are happy. Not all lovers know how to love. Nor do all lovers know how to be vulnerable.

I have been in a relationship for over 10 yrs, and all 10 of them have been very hard. SO many times I find myself in a puddle of tears, while he watches me with disdain and zero remorse. The things he continuously choose to do are precisely the things that dismantle my heart and sanity. However, that is just my side of the story. My perspective, and my pain. No one ever told me about the importance of trying to understand “his” side.

People feel justified in judging your actions without really understanding you heart, or reasons, but life does not work like that. No one who loves you should hurt you, but that doesn’t mean they won’t.

So I ask myself, why do I stay? According to my friends, they see me as some kind of emotionally battered woman who has failed to demand more for my life. I’m filled with inspirational advice regarding, self empowerment, and self worth. Maybe that is true, but all I know from my heart is, I love him, and if he needs me I don’t want to leave him. I stay because I don’t want to give up on someone I love. I want to understand. I want to learn. I want to make it work.

The problem is when you love someone, you need to be loved back. Not just loved back, but you want to be loved as you would love. We have this mental idea of how people should love. However,  that validation engrained in your DNA, is not returned as you imagined, and it feels like a complete shutdown.

The fact is, you do not know everything. You will never know everything, but the act of trying to understand is the best gift of all. If I’m honest, I have no idea what my relationship is, but I find loving someone with all your heart, means having FAITH in that person. It doesn’t mean living in denial of what they have done, but BELIEVING in the GOOD that exists within them.

It is easy to love when people are successfully “good”,  but when they are “bad” it is truly a test of the love within you.

 

Advertisements