So my ex and I are talking again. Of course, in many ways it is like a dream. We click in such an unexplainable way. Normally, two years apart changes people in such away that awkwardness and space can not be avoided. However, with my ex and me,its like nothing has changed and two years apart never existed. Sounds great?
Well, not exactly. According to Albert Einstein, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
My ex, and me had a whole truckload of problems, and guess what? They are still there. Normally, this is the moment that most would just throw in the towel and say, “No way. I’m not doing this again.” However, thinking a second outside the box, what if Einstein has a point. I have always behaved exactly the same, and ended in the exact same place. What if I change what I “normally do”, and reverse it? Would that get me different results? I’m intrigued.
For example, one of the biggest problems I have with my ex is his lack of ability to keep promises. He will say, “I will email on Thursdays, or call you at 10…etc”, but he is quite flaky. However, this is where our characters clash. I am the type who keeps all promises, comes exactly on time, and feels awful if I back out on my word. This is my mind set and when he forgets, or doesn’t give a *beep* it hurts my feelings a lot, and I take it very personally. This lead to lack of trust, and ultimately, my explosion of panic attacks. (Panic attacks disappeared after we broke up) I can remember countless nights when he promised to call me, while he was partying because he knew I worried about his promiscuity. Did he? Sometimes he did, but several times he did not, and mysteriously his phone would shut off. This of course would lead me in a spiral down to multiple panic attacks, and a night of desperate texts and messages on his phone that constantly clicked to voicemail. Gosh, such a pathetic and desperate memory of myself. Anyways, these events would always lead me to be out of control, jump to conclusions, and attack him. Even just today, he promised to send me an email scheduling a phone chat tomorrow. Did he? Nope. The girl I was two years ago would have called his cell phone and yelled at him or send him a mean email by now. Did I? Not this time, too predictable, been there done that. I’ve decided to try the “silent” method, and pull back. I’m curious to see if changing my own actions will show a different side to him. Interesting.
In the past, I have always made myself available to him, and waited around for his conveniences. This time it is going to be different. Truthfully, the hardest part is the risk I take. The fact is, I love him, and miss him a lot. I do fear, by ignoring him, he will just disappear, but, honestly, if I do exactly what we normally do, it ends badly 100% every time. Anyways, I’ll give it a try and keep you guys updated…