Love is complicated, or is it? The truth of the matter is, love is only complicated because the world is filled with false information. So many things are written about love that are completely untrue and they are engrained in our brain to be completely true. This misconception of “love” is what makes us desire something that is completely un related to love.
First of all, lets clear up the fact that, you do not choose who you love. Love will always remain supreme, and sorry to say, you may get stuck with a real loser. The best way to describe love is the bond between a mother and a baby. A baby cannot choose who their mother is nor can a mother choose who their baby is, however, there is a undeniable bond that links the two. There have been millions of reported cases where people who grew up without their biological mother, would then meet their blood mom, and completely feel this unexplainable link. However, lets also be careful not to misunderstand this link as “liking” that person. We are all taught to view emotions in degrees. For example, hate-dislike-neutral-like-love. However, the reality is, love does not hold any relation to this emotional chart. “Liking” someone does not turn into love, just as liking someone a lot is not equal to love. Either love exists or it doesn’t. You may not be aware of the love bond at the beginning but certainly a strange bond between the two will have always existed. However, do no misunderstand this bond for ‘sexual attraction’. People often mix up raw animal instincts for love, but this has absolutely nothing to do with love, and often is the trigger of so much confusion. Love is purely based on your “subconscious” and who you are at the purest level. It allows you to un knowingly open up on the deepest level and bond together.
We have all heard of the saying, “You can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends.” For me this sentence now holds a new meaning. Now a days, people treat love as a computer survey. Whether it be online matchmaking sites or picking a mate by a checklist of necessary qualities, they equate finding love as the same as finding a perfect mate. However, the truth of the matter is, you are choosing the perfect “best friend”. People you choose in life have the potential to be the best “life partners” or great people in your life, however, you cannot choose “love”. This feeling of liking A LOT can lead to a bond that you misunderstand as love but it is very different. This bond is connected on a conscious level but will never click into the subconscious.
However, this does not mean the person who has love is happier while the one with the “best friend” is unfulfilled. This is another misconception. Often times, it is love that drives you insane, unfulfilled, and broken, while programmed suitable partners lead to a stable, controlled, and rather happy life. These type of partners are practical. It may not be love but as far as marriage, it is a better fit. With love, it can get extremely messy and ugly.
The fact our society links the validity of love to marriage is the root of all our confusion. Many people feel their love was not real or a failure simply because the marriage/relationship ends. This leads to the belief they have some how wasted all those years on the wrong person.nHowever, in my experience the existence of true love is most clear after the break. It is the most inexplainable power that trumps all ability to forget a person. They hold a permanent seat in your heart and mind that nothing can ever replace or remove them. It is heart wrenching in the sense they no longer exist in your “reality” life, and yet they remain completely alive in your heart. Only when you experience it, can you know what it is like to hold someone so dear to your heart. It does not mean you like that person, not at all. Often times, a huge list of bad experiences can make it nearly impossible to deal with a person you love, and yet, the love itself continues to exist. This is again, why I say, “love” is not relative or linked in any way to “like or dislike”.
Another misconception is the idea that Love is meant to make you happy. This was something I am embarrassed to say I believed whole heartedly. I also believed other silly lies like, if he loves you he will treat you like a princess. Truth is love will not always make you happy. In fact through my experience with love, the word “happiness” seemed rather cheap as a description to love. Love is closer related to “beautiful”. It is a mixture of sweetness and bitterness like a fine wine. It is not soda pop, filled with only bubbly fun and sweet sugar. The truth is, the deeper you love, the deeper the fear. Every great emotion comes with an equally great loss, everything is highly unstable and only the strongest survive. I suffered a lot with the idea that a man who loves me would always treat me like a princess. This was what I was taught and it served as a tough road block when I was faced with love. The truth is, a man who treats you like a princess was taught somewhere a long the line to treat the woman he loves, like a princess. This doesn’t mean the jerk who slams the door in your face does not love you. Manners, and pampering abilities are often things learned by viewing their parents. If they come from a dysfunctional family, this is what they are programmed to feel is natural. They can fake it at the beginning, but as you become closer, the “real” person comes out. This is why it is common for people who come from broken families to end up in broken relationships. Love is not the culprit and should not be the one who is blamed. It is always the matter of self discipline, character, and behavior that determines the success of a relationship. Love itself, will always exist despite a broken relationship.