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Today is a bit hard for me. I never know when or why this wave of gloom seems to pay me a visit.  It just comes and goes as it pleases, and I have learned to deal with it.

It is such a heavy feeling. It makes it quite difficult to go about my day to day affairs, and I find myself  gasping for air as I hold the pain in my chest. The only thing that gives me relief is when tears finally fall down my face. I have no control in the matter. It makes no sense. Nothing triggered the emotion. I had a rather productive and “lucky” day regarding financial matters, and almost like a click of a switch, my heart grew heavy. There is no logic in the matter, there never is. 

As I wrote yesterday, everyday is a battle for me. Some days are extremely, productive and high energy, but without warning, this “heaviness” can attack me as well. I have learned to just take my battles one at a time, and for the really hard moments, just cry it out. I promise you everything is always more manageable after a good cry and nap. 

My mind set has completely changed. Most importantly, I no longer think failure is those who “lose”, but those who quit. “Losing” is something you cannot control. As long as you try your best the rest is not in your hands. The key moment is after failure. How you chose to react to it, is the true test of life. You see, life is not a disconnected series of events, where you win or lose. All events are linked like a series of chapters that create your story. Every result, creates a link to your next step, and with that comes life choices. We can never really know if our decisions are the right ones or the wrong ones, but is there really such a thing? Life is life, and as long as you try your best and never give up, you will end up where you belong.

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