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Lately, I have been feeling strange. They are feelings I’ve never felt before, so I decided to write about them. When the French miss someone they say “tu me manques” which means, “you are missing from me”. The difference between “I miss you” and “you are missing from me”, may seem slight, but it is profoundly different.

“I miss you”, is something I have always known. Even when I was with my ex, I always missed him, and when we broke up about a million times, I missed him every time. I missed his voice, I missed seeing him, I missed receiving messages from him. These feelings I felt, were clearly, the words, “I miss you.” Without him, “physically” with me, I was sad.

 My feelings now are different. Time and pain have made me realized what love means. I still think about my ex every day. I still have a pain in my chest that makes me feel like something is missing, but it is different now.  If you asked me if I wish to see him or hear from him now,  the answer would be no. I realized now, when I used to say, “I miss you”, it was the same as saying, “I need you to be happy.” Needing someone and loving someone is a fine line, and the only way to know the difference is when they are no longer there. I am becoming more independent every day. I don’t “need” him to get me through the day. I don’t “need” to hear his opinions to make decisions. I surpassed my expectations of what I could do without him. I never thought I could exist without him, and here I am, accomplishing so many things.
When I knew I loved him, I gave him my heart. It wasn’t my choice, “love”, made that decision on its own. Whether he wants it or not, I no longer have it. He is always “missing” from me, but I no longer Believe in “I miss you.”

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