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Lesson Learned From Heartbreak

Love. Hope. Togetherness. All dreams shattered and wiped clean. WE becomes You, and whatever you had is now only in the past, a memory.

The fear of being alone is hard for everyone, but the hardest to those with broken hearts. To roam this earth alone, knowing the one you love won’t be there is enough to drive most to madness. 

Having been there myself I can promise you, there is life after heartbreak. In fact the greatest gift of total destruction and a wipeout of your previous life, is Freedom. In the beginning it doesn’t feel like freedom. It simply feels like nobody cares what you do, and you are the most insignificant creature to roam the earth. It is a feeling of rebirth, and being totally naked. You are beyond vulnerable, but at the same time it is a fresh start, and if you let nature take its course it will push you to your new future. You have to, looking back is much too painful, and moving forward is the only way to survive. Trust me I had my weak moments for a long time, I stayed in bed for months, and refused to move forward. You know what happens? There will come a point when you get sick of yourself, and who you’ve become, and then you have a choice. Either get up, wash your face pull yourself together, or stay in bed and be miserable forever.

When you finally stop fighting time, and decide to exist among the present and not the past, you realize what massive freedom you actually have. You have a clean slate. Nobody is depending on you, or waiting for you. You can schedule anything as you wish. You can do whatever you want, and all decisions are yours. There is no discussing a situation, you have only, “I”,”me”,and “myself”. When you accept all the responsibilities and have no one to share it with it empowers you. 

When I was dating my ex he would always call me before I went to sleep, and when I woke up. I came to depend on him. Whenever I felt sad, or I had a bad performance, I would call him and he would always pick up my call.  It was  something I grew to depend on and when it was gone I was devastated. I needed him to comfort me, I needed to discuss my day, I needed him to be okay. It really is amazing to have someone who loves you in your life, but balancing independence and dependency was something I struggled with. It is a hard balance to maintain  and definitely a factor in the downfall to my relationship.

My life is my own now, and I am responsible for my future. It was very difficult for me to regain my independence but now that I have, I feel like anything is possible. I have the power to make a difference, and “I” control “my” life again. 

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