Welcome to my Daily series LLFH. (Aka Lessons Learned From Heartbreak)
Lesson 1: Happiness has a Twin.
We all strive for happiness. We live to be happy. Happiness has this spotlight broadcasted on it and its all we can see. It is almost like, if you are not happy, you have failed somehow. Fairytales always end “happily” ever after. You are hounded by statements like, “Happiness is a choice”. “If it doesn’t make you happy, it’s not right”.
Guess what I learned? Happiness is not always a choice. Sometimes you just feel plain lousy. Nothing makes you feel better, and you know what? Sometimes, you just need to be sad and Go through the pain. When I was at my worst, everyone was like, “Go out, socialize, meet new people”. They made me feel as if it was my fault for feeling lousy, as if I’m not trying hard enough, or I was somehow, “choosing” my misery. Is it really better to go out, to clubs or bars, hook up with random people, and pretend to be happy? This is what society promotes, because everyone just wants to be happy. Unfortunately, here is the truth. If you were once happy, you will also be sad, and it goes back and forth like a ping pong Ball.
So here is the BIG SECRET. Sadness is the forgotten twin off Happiness. It is the ugly fraternal twin that everyone picks on and despises. However, the fact is, happiness only exists because sadness is right there to. Famous author Nicolas Sparks once said, “Take care of the downside, and the upside will take care of itself”. We have it all wrong, Idolizing only Happiness. Happiness is like the Ice cream sundae we all desired as a kid. Sadness/pain are the vegetables we hate, but do so much good for our growth. It is the moment you learn the most and develop. Running from your pain to be happy is not real.
I remember when I was a kid, all my friends would pop Tylenol during their period, and I asked my mom to buy me some too. Unfortunately, being the health nut she was, she said, “No, you feel pain because its your bodies natural way to tell you something is wrong. If you cover it up with medication, you won’t get the rest you need. ” As harsh as it was, it is true. We pop pills, or run from pain much too soon these days. We avoid pain at all cost, and just want to be happy. When the reality is, it is completely NORMAL to feel sad.
How has pain helped me? Dealing with my pain was extremely hard. There were many times, I just wanted to runaway, and drink my sorrows away. So many, many, times, I just wanted to be happy. I just pushed through, day by day, minute, by minute, and second by second. It is an extremely long process, and I am no where near finished. However, I can already feel a positive change. I am stronger than I was, and because of that, I like myself more. Liking myself more gives me more confidence, and this confidence gives me more Strength. I am now closer to the kind of person I would respect. I started school last week and Im taking a class in business law. I have a job as a fashion stylist. My room is clean. I began painting. I play piano again. Everything is thanks to little Miss Forgotten Sadness. If I had, run from my pain, jumped into a new relationship, I would have skipped all these valuable lessons. Relationships end for a reason. Nobody is ever completely wrong or right. The important thing is to learn where you went wrong, and where your flaws exist. Use the pain to mend your weaknesses, and you will thank yourself later.