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I have safely avoided all contact with my ex for 5 months now. I had made an intelligent promise to myself to not google him, or do any social media digging, until now. Yes, I screwed up.

it is 5 am, now and I can’t stop crying. For the first time in months I see his face, and he is smiling. He looks good, he is happy. Worst of all, he is standing with the girl I had assumed he had left me for. I am crushed. I feel so unbelievably alone, and foolish. I still love this man so much. My bones and my body ache to the deepest core, and for him, I am just a memory. 

At first I turned away from this picture, and vowed to never look at it again. However, then I had the urge to see it again.They were like a million swords to my chest, but this was the truth. My new reality. He looked at her so lovingly in this picture.She looked so happy. If it is possible to be torn into any more pieces, I lie in a waste basket scattered to a billion. 

Nobody will ever know the loneliness of being in love with someone who no longer is. To be replaced, and to be happier. The horror, of having to accept the reality of what is. 

I love him. 

All that is left is pain. 

As crazy as this may sound. I saved the photo of the two of them. It hurts me so much to see it, but it reminds me that it is over. Wishing he missed me too.Obviously I was delusional.

I still love him.

All These tears….

will it ever end.