“How could he leave me?” Lately, this question has haunted my psyche and forced me to do some serious soul searching.
How can two people, fall in love, experience the same situations, create memories together, and yet come to two different results. For one person the experience has led to an unbreakable bond, that no amount of abuse, or ridicule could destroy. While the other person, seemingly is fine moving on with their life? How is this possible? How is this fair?
Lets first address the fact, life is not fair. Wanting it to be fair is something we do to frustrate ourselves. We put in X amount of Love in, therefore we should get back X amount of Love back. Right? Wrong. Life is a series of lessons, you are only guaranteed to be taught. Whether you learn something or not is up to you, and expecting gifts will leave you disappointed.
According to Arthur Schopenhauer, a German philosopher, the attraction of love is simply an illusion. He states, the main purpose of love is to procreate. Therefore the feeling of “love” is actually your attraction to create the perfect baby. For example, if you have a big nose, you maybe attracted to someone with a smaller nose to counterbalance your flaws. However, i have trouble accepting this theory completely because his theories are mainly based on physical traits. This theory does not always work. For example, there are many people who are in love with someone that looks very similar, it would be assuming that two big nosed people would never fall in love, but this happens all the time.
The feeling of love, is to “complete” yourself. This is often times, why the comparison of soul mates and broken hearts are described to express love. We look for people that possess that “something” we want, but do not have. This “something” could be anything. For example, you maybe shy and unable to take risks, and fall for someone who is a social butterfly. Or maybe you live a sexually adventurous life, and fall for the innocence of someone who has not. Whatever it may be, this person acts as a teacher to help you obtain, that mysterious “something”.
So why do some people just leave? You are still so completely in love, and yet they are able to move on? Why? The answer is, the “attraction” you feel, fades when the need is no longer being met. Either you acted as a teacher and helped them develop into the person they wanted to be, or you somehow changed and the quality they wanted from you no longer exists. It is also possible that the person, loses who they are all together, and a loss of direction in their own life.
The key is, ask yourself, have you changed? Has being with this person lead you to a different life? Maybe your job, location, or lifestyle has changed. When people change the pieces become harder to piece together.
If you still love someone and the attraction seems to never fade, perhaps, the “something” you desire in them, is something you must accomplish on your own. If an issue cannot be learned or taught, then this is where “strength and faith” are your only tools for survival.
Break ups are never anyones fault. They always happen for a reason.