I have loved only one person in my life. It was undoubtedly, the most beautiful and the most painful experience of my life. Never have I felt so broken, and exposed. All my flaws, weaknesses, and past insecurities floated to the surface. It is a humbling experience that challenges your strength, judgement and heart. Love some how blurs all boundaries. You can easily get lost in the closeness and lose who you are. When this happens, the love between the two of you can fall apart, because you no longer exist. The person they fell in love with has vanished. Maintaining your friends, family, desires, and dreams are vital to maintaining a loving relationship because these are the qualities that keep you as the person they loved. I’ve listed here some warning signs to beware of in yourself. If you see any, just make a change. It is as simple as that.
1) Loss of Control. You are no longer able to stop. Your friends and family, fill you with concerns but you resist. You know the situation is unhealthy for you but you cannot stop.
*tip: surround yourself with people that have loved you all your life. They will help you find a way.
2) Isolation. You spend most of your day thinking about the person and wanting to spend all your time with them. Somehow, friends and family take a backseat, and all you want is more and more time together.
*tip: set times during the week for your friends and family. Keep those girls nights.
3)Fear/ Paranoia. You fear life without this person and you will do anything to keep them.
*tip: Face your fear. Try spending a week apart. He will miss you, and you can remember you can exist without him. Win, win.
4)Disappearing Identity. You start to lose yourself. Who you are, what you desire is not as important as pleasing the person you re with.
*Tip: write in big letters on white paper, a goal or desire that involves only you and tape it on a mirror . You can even use quotes that you love.
5) Lies. Do you find yourself having to lie more to friends, family, or co-workers, because you are more forgetful, and unable to handle day to day routine?
* Tip. Don’t lie, apologize for forgetting, and realize maybe you should get control of your priorities.
6)You belong to me. The feeling that a person, somehow belongs to you. Boundaries are disrespected.
*Tip: Remind yourself, you don’t want them to be property. You want love. Love requires freedom to breathe.
7) Only you. You live your life for only this person. Their life , their problems, their schedules, their goals, is now your life.
*Tip: Do not re adjust your schedule regularly so you are available all the time.
8) Paralyzed. You feel such a loss of power, with yourself. Your body no longer does what you tell it. You want to protect yourself, but you can’t. This person has taken over.
*tip: start a checklist. Put easier tasks first, and gradually get more difficult. This will make your realize how easily you can accomplish things.
9) Darkness. Your days are filled with Insecurities, and fear. You lose faith in your strength and therefore you lose the power to direct where your life will go. Even knowing this, you can’t do anything but be a passenger in your own life.
*Tip: Pull out your cutest outfit, get dressed up and go out with your girls, ‘Sex and the City’ style.
10) Emptiness. You feel distress, anxiety, restlessness even if you are with the person. No contact Is devastating to you.
*Tip: Fill that emptiness by learning a new hobby. If you are the classical, conservative like me, why not start a hip hop class? I’ve always wanted to try that.
Take care. Xxx