Everyday, we compromise to coexist. Fitting in, is the socially accepted thing to do. One compromise here, another there, before you know its been years, and the compromises have added up. You have found a place you “fit” but the question is do you really fit? Perhaps you just forced your chubby body into a tiny little box, and convinced yourself it is right.
This is how I feel about my life. Having finished grad school, and now questioning my degree, which was basically my life for the past 20 some years. Was it the right fight? Was I fooling myself? All I know is my degree only has about 3 job options, to which all of them are not of much interest to me now. What to do? My degree is useless unless I pursue these jobs. Perhaps, I am just going through a phase. The extreme stress I had in Grad school, could be the cause of my negative reaction to all things related to it. All I know is I had all the symptoms of a fat cat in a box way too small for her. I felt cramped, limited, stressed, irritable, and itching to just run far away. The weird thing is, my profession was not forced upon me, it was my choice. I had begged my mother to let me do it. What happened to that desire? Was it me? Was it real? I know I am just in a transitional phase in my life, but when I look at my reflection in the mirror, I am filled with doubt. I believe all experiences in life have a reason. I just hope I can make sense of it soon.